Good vibrations!
Edit: 17 APR 2020
Originally published 14 NOV 1999 in the Tribune at PolyBi.com
I haven't met my new neighbor yet, but I know three things about her. She has a dog. She has a cat. She has a Magic Wand vibrator. It sits in her bedroom window, so it's hard to miss, and hard to forget. I personally do not own that particular model, but I do hear that it is the Cadillac of the "Personal Massagers."
You may remember that I made November "Happy Sex Life in My Condo Month" and I set a goal of buying some new toys. The problem is I am a bit, ok, a lot, shy about going out and buying this stuff. I can tell my readers ANYTHING they want to know and some things they don't want to know. I can TALK about sex and sexual matters to almost anyone. But deep down, that old brainwashing comes out. I don't want people to think that I am actually HAVING sex.
But, I am determined to deprogram that old mindset and I set off to see the grandmothers that run the local "sensuous" lingerie shop. This is a brave thing for me, did I mentioned that one of them looks just like my Aunt Eustacia. They have a collection of lingerie and clothes, most of it appropriate if you're making your living taking the stuff off. They do have a small collection of toys and movies. It was pretty standard stuff, nothing jumped out at me and said BUY ME. So I left. I miss the days when my girlfriend and I would go out shopping together. I could actually visualize possibilities and bought a lot more stuff.
Some of you are fortunate enough to live in a country with those Adult Mega Stores. I am not. One entrepreneur in our area has spent the last year and a half jumping through hoops of red tape trying to put one in his town. The city has been quite open about the fact the only objection they have is the merchandise that he will carry. A gun shop next to a liquor store, this is a good idea, but God forbid you want to run in and pick up an adult movie and some condoms in that town.
Anyway, I decided to go online to see what I could find. Online shopping is amazing! You want it? Someone, somewhere out there has it. I found one site that had no less than 75 different vibrators, all colors, all sizes, and, trust me, all shapes. One is forced to ask the question of why the hell anyone would want a sex toy shaped like a rabbit's head. But then, there are a lot of fetishes I am unfamiliar with.
The primary problem with shopping online is strictly a consumer one. You cannot test out the merchandise. You see a picture, you get a fairly good description of the product, but you can't plug it in to see how it really works. I have trouble spending $89.95 on some toy without being sure it will give me $89,95 worth of pleasure.
Maybe I should consider setting up my own "Consumer Information Desk". I'll be delighted to test out and report on products. All except for the one with the rabbit's head. That one is just too disturbing.