My first poly relationship

When I was in high school, my best friend and I shared a boyfriend. We hadn’t consciously set out to do that, it just sort of happened. We both liked him, he liked both of us, it just seemed natural that he could date both of us. Our other girlfriends were appalled that we would “let him get away with it”.

The guys thought he was the luckiest SOB on campus. Our parents were a bit puzzled, but as long as no one came home pregnant, they really didn’t care.

Looking back I realize that was my first poly relationship. We loved each other as friends and wanted to spend time together. We knew people didn’t understand, but we didn’t care. We were young and having a good time.

I don’t remember having any twinges of jealousy or resentment. Those emotions have never been part of my mental makeup. My therapist friend tells me that jealousy and envy come from low self-esteem. THAT has never been a problem for me.

Jealousy arises in relationships when one partner perceives that someone else is getting something they are not. This perception, whether real or imagined, can be a big issue for anyone’s relationship. It is a particular danger for bisexuals in their relationships.

NRE (New Relationship Energy) is fantastic. There is nothing quite like that rush of adrenaline you get when you kiss someone for the first time. You take a little more time to get ready to go out. Colors seem brighter, the air smells sweeter, the world is just a much more wonderful place when those endorphins are flowing.

It’s easy to get caught up in all those new emotions and that’s where the peril lies. We’re falling in love all over again and our partners are doing what? You can’t blame your partner for being a bit resentful when you have THAT look on your face.

I decided it was imperative that my partner be part of any new relationship that I develop (and vice-versa). I didn’t want him to feel like we were going to Disney World and then he had to stay in the parking lot. I wanted to be able to fully share those new feelings with him without worrying that he might feel left out or slighted.

The solution for us is to date as a couple. We are a package deal in the initial part of developing a relationship. You get him, you get me, too. Once the relationship is established, then it doesn’t matter who does what with whom. Sometimes she and he are together, sometimes she and I are together, sometimes we are all together. It’s sort of like Lego pieces. The combinations are endless.

The fact is many bisexuals, probably even most of us, are involved in committed relationships with members of the opposite sex. Yet, we need relationships with our own to make us feel complete. Those of us that have partners that understand, accept, and encourage us are very fortunate. We have to take make very sure that we don’t take that for granted.

You can turn it or twist it every which way you like, but if you are in a monogamous relationship and one of you is bisexual, that someone is giving up half of their feelings and emotional needs for the sake of western morality. Enough said.